My vriendin Marie het die onderstaande onlangs vir my gestuur. Sy gee Engels in Korea. Ek dink dit gaan maar swaar… sjaaim. Ek mis haar.
I am 10 years old and you expect me to learn Engalishie. I hear you saying something “Korea” and the “world”, but you can’t expect me to understand that if I need to explain to my Californian importers what the implications of today’s Nikkei index are, then I need a grasp of English, and a subtle one, at that.
On Day 1 the confusion begins. You stab yourself in the chest with your thumb and say “I”. [Within the hour you’re going to tell me an I is something you see with… Where are your eyes lodged?] You point to me (Did you know that in Korean culture it’s rude to point?) and say ‘you’. I got it: I am “you” and you are “I”. I say it. You say No. You change it. Now you are “you” and I am “I”. A moment ago, I was “you” and you were “I.” So, who is who if I am you and you are also you? Next thing, we’ll both be “I”.
As if this isn’t enough you wave your hand over us all and say “We” and in our language “we” is up. And, you want me to learn a language that doesn’t spell as it speaks. Every time you say a word with –ough you say it differently. There have been at least five ways so far. Are there more? This “l’ and “r” thing: when you say “r” you roll it, and lately you roll your eyes as well. Is this English?
You say, I love you to us but when I say it back to you I ruv you you tell me No! And then, the word “respect”. When you say it I hear respecter, you tell me No! The way you say it, I feel must add that extra syllable. And the “f” – that’s just amazing! You point out “T” for telephone, you say the word rough has an “f” ending and yet you point at F is for Fish on the flashcard, that is, flashcarder. Will you make up your minder, please?
Quite frankly, I’ve told you that “I am fine” each day for the last three months and yet you keep asking, How are you? When are you going to hear? I mean, I’m not retarded. How quickly does time go in the West if you teach me Good morning good afternoon good evening good night all in a line? Each day you tell me to repeat I am You are He is She is We are They are but you never tell me what you are, or he or they, for that matter.
Did you know that in our language Korean the zero is pronounced won? Now I have to learn that while won is zero, one is the digit following zero.And, once again, you find the logic in that spelling. OK, it’s not your fault that our word for up sounds like your word we. It’s just that some sentences are really funny: If up learnt what up supposed to learn, up wouldn’t find it difficult, wouldn’t up? And this “E” thing: for us it’s a “T”; when you say it, with bared teeth, it sounds like a toy car screeching to a halt. Anyway, it’s quite nice singing along with Westlife shown on our classroom screen. And T-shirts with English words are interesting. In fact, you won’t see any T-shirts or caps with Korean on them.
The Americans seem like fun people, especially in their noisy movies. So I suppose Engalishie has its uses. Let’s get on with it.
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I am Jaehwy Lee. I am 50 years old. King Sejong Education Plaza is mine. That is, Kidland Kindergarten and the Oh Sung Sik English Club. I lay down the law here. I won’t take rubbish from foreigners.
The last lot let me down seriously, but it’s not something I’m going to mention to the new lot. I know English. I studied English. I have books. If I struggle to speak it, then that’s because it’s a crazy language (see above). That’s not my fault. But I hate struggling. I can’t say things. I can’t understand what they’re saying. I try to smile as I struggle.
The new lot seem tolerant enough, but it’s going to be a while before I trust them. Before there were native speakers of English here, I had all the glory. Now the people around me seem to wonder: can he really speak the lingo? I hate that.
On top of everything, there’s the money problem. I can’t afford to have my Korean teachers learn from the foreigners. That’s going to erode my already eroded funds and there are fewer children coming here. Yes, it’s enrichment, but it’s worked in the past.
Now my righthand man, Jeong, tells me the new lot frown on my beating the children. The hell with it. If they can’t stand the heat, then get out of the kitchen! No, I’d better not say that too loudly. They might just buzz off like the last lot did.
Then, how can I claim native speaker tuition? They do seem dedicated and the Save the Water Project was successful I hear from my wife Aengran. They do quite well with the little ones, the times I passed through while they’re teaching.
And I make a bit out of them, by hiring them to the Elementary school and I’m getting a good report. They don’t miss classes - well, he was late for one when they missed their connection from a weekend in Andong, but apart from that the Elementary school’s getting its money’s worth. And every bit helps me.
I gave them quite a big Thanksgiving gift and they were suitably charmed. You have to do that sort of thing with foreigners.
I don’t know what the hell they want to go and do in Japan for their holiday. I get an uneasy feeling about it. Will they abscond while they’re there? They say they have a friend there: why can’t the friend come and see them here?
I just don’t understand that and this time it’s not an English thing. And I don’t much care for the Japanese either.
